Coping
by Juwist
Summary: Experiments in the break room fridge start a new phase in Grissom and Sara's relationship.
1. Clueless

**Title: Coping**

**Romance**

**Rated: **PG for now

**Disclaimer: **I do not own CSI, or any of its characters.

**PLEASE**… R&R!

"Just what do you think you are doing?", asked Sara really pissed.

"I'm putting this in the fridge?", replied calmly Grissom.

"Oh no you are not! Griss, you can't keep storing your experiments in this fridge. Nicky was complaining earlier about his sandwich tasting like rotten meat" she shouted. God, he made her lose her temper. They weren't being very amiable these last months, and things between them were getting worst by the minute.

"You'll have to store it in your office fridge".

"Look Sara, there is no room in it, and it is important that I monitor this experiment closely", he replied, starting to get angry.

"We don't care!". Now she was really pissed. Didn't he care about anyone?

"Go ask Doc if he can store it in the morgue. God, if its sooooo important, take it home with you Grissom!", she yelled at him, and got up and left the break room.

"Have you seen Sara?", Grissom asked Catherine.

Catherine kept reading her Cosmo, playing deaf, just to be safe. She had talked earlier to Sara, finding her pacing in the locker room. She had told her about their little "conversation", and didn't want to get between their stupid fight, although she completely agreed with Sara this time.

"Catherine, I asked you a question", he said impatiently.

"Oh, I heard you!", she replied.

"So?"

"Well, shift ended two hours ago. I'm just here making time, minding my own business before I go pick up Lindsey", she said, without raising her gaze from the magazine.

"Just answer the question, Catherine". He was her boss, why didn't she care? She was exasperating!

"I don't know Grissom. Maybe she went home, get some sleep and try to cool off", she said, after a long awkward silence, and giving in to her conciliatory nature. She just wanted Sara and Grissom to get along. She didn't even care any more if they were friends again… She, like the rest of the team, just wanted them to get along. They were all tired of the freezing silences, the fights and the bad faces.

"Cool off, huh?".

"Yes Griss, cool off, OK? Is that enough for you? Or do you want to know what she had for breakfast too?"

"What is wrong with you? I only asked you one simple question, and all of the sudden, you are attacking me", he replied defensively.

"What is wrong with me? God, Griss, you have no idea, huh?", she replied, raising her gaze to meet his. "I'm tired of you asking to anyone but Sara where is she, how is she doing, is something wrong with her, and all the other questions about her. I've had it. We've all had it. From now on Grissom, if you want to know anything regarding Sara, you'll have to ask her yourself. We are sick and tired of being between you two all day… Deal with her Gil!"

"What do you mean?", he asked with caution.

"Exactly that!" she said, closing her magazine and leaving the room.

He was in his office, trying to concentrate in finishing his paper work, but his thoughts kept going to Sara. He missed her deeply. The way they used to talk, her laughter, her beautiful smile. He had come to think that smile was only for him. Now he was sure of that, because he hadn't seen it for a long time.

He also missed their closeness, her casual touch. Brushing "accidentally" to here body in the lab, at a crime scene. He missed her electrifying touch…

But it was all for the best. Or so he had thought. This situation was starting to affect their workplace, as Catherine had so kindly let him know.

Now he would have to talk to Sara, set all this straight. She was his best CSI, and he could not afford to lose her, or any of his team, but specially her.

"Oh, this better be good", Sara said to herself, as she sleepily recognized the number in her cell phone.

"Sidle".

"Hi Sara, its Grissom. Did I wake you?"

"As a matter of fact Grissom, you did. Its four o'clock in the afternoon. It's like four in the morning for me right now. What do you want?", she asked angrily.

"Can we talk?".

"Look Grissom, unless it's about work, which I'm pretty sure is not, I don't think so. You'll just have to wait until I get to the lab, and that will be the day after tomorrow, since it's my day off. Good night.", and she shut close her phone, turning it off before.

"What the hell does he think he's doing?" she asked out loud.

She rested her head on her pillow, trying to relax, when she heard a loud knock on her door.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me", she mumbled, as she got up and put on her robe.

"It's him, I can sense him behind the door. I hate to be able to sense him", she thought to herself as she approached her from door.

"What is it Grissom", she said as she opened the door. He stormed in, nearly making her lose balance.

"Why did you hung up your phone Sara? I'm your supervisor", he shouted.

"Like hell you are, but not after shift, you are not pulling rank here, DOCTOR Grissom", she answered back, controlling her voice, trying to keep it down.

She knew he hated when she called him "Doctor Grissom". It reminded him of his age, and the fact that he was fifteen years older than she. She always tried to avoid making him feel that way, but frankly, now she couldn't care less.

He looked at her defiantly. "Doctor Grissom? Now I'm Doctor Grissom? Gosh Sara, what has happened to us?", he asked her, while she stood by the open door.

"Will you go away? Please Grissom, just leave OK. I don't feel like talking to you right now. Quite frankly, I don't feel like talking to you at all. I don't think there's anything to talk about", she said, moving to allow him to go out.

Grissom didn't move. "What is she talking about", he thought. "_there's nothing to talk about"_? "We are practically tearing each other heads off and there is nothing to talk about, Sara?", he asked her, concern now occupying his face.

"Just leave me alone. I can't do this any more Grissom, I'm tired, OK? Just leave". She looked so tired and looking closely, so thin and pale. She was wearing a tank top and some sports shorts, covered by a robe that hardly covered anything.

He wanted so desperately to hold her close, to protect her. He took two steps towards her, and she immediately backed away against the frame of the door.

"Just go Grissom, I'm not doing this right now. Can't you respect what I want?".

After that plea, he couldn't respond to anything. He left, without saying a word, leaving her resting against the door frame.

He walked to his Tahoe, reaching for his keys, when he decided he didn't care she didn't wanted to talk to him. He did, and she would have to cope with that!

**TBC **(if I get more than 5 reviews!)


	2. Revelation

Chapter II: Revelation

As soon as the door closed, Sara started to cry. And crying made her feel so vulnerable, that she also started to feel angry. Angry, and completely empty. She sat on the floor of her apartment, resting against the door, sobbing loudly. "Why the hell did he had to come?". She just kept repeating that, like a mantra, while she sobbed and lightly banged her head to the door.

As Grissom approached her apartment, he could hear a low noise coming from the door. A light banging. As he came closer, he heard her sobs, and what she was mumbling. He felt awful, as his initial anger started to drain of his system.

He sat down, leaning against the door, and softly whispered "I'm sorry".

Sara felt movement outside her apartment. She suddenly stopped all she was doing. "Its him! His back!" she thought. And then she heard it: "I'm sorry".

She sat there, lying still against the door, replaying what she had just heard over and over in her head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry".

He felt her apartment go completely quiet. It was a good thing it was the middle of the afternoon and Sara's neighbors where at work. Otherwise, someone would have already had the police there. He was sitting against the door of her apartment, with a tearful face, talking to her door. Some show that would be.

"I'm so sorry Sara", he said. There was a low sob, and he heard her shifting against the door.

Sara was now sobbing uncontrollably. "Why did you come back?" she asked through the door. "Why do you keep coming here, why can't you just leave me alone Grissom?". Her anger was growing.

She had made herself a promise when leaving the lab early that day. Today was the last day she would let selfish Grissom ever bother her again. What good was she keeping her promise, if the guy came over as soon as she had her resolve strong?

"Sara please, open the door, we need to talk", came his response from the other side.

"No Grissom, you've made it clear this past year, you don't want to talk to me. What you want right now is to clear your conscience about what happened earlier in the lab", she said, her voice getting louder.

"Sara please, can't we talk about **this**?", he asked, sorrowfully.

"There is no "**this**" Grissom. It's too late. You are too late."

The words sank deeply in his heart. "I'm too late", he thought. He shifted against the door, until his forehead was resting against it. He could feel her heat through the door. And then he whispered almost inaudibly, "Sara, I love you". There was no sound coming from inside. He just stayed there, on his knees, which where killing him, slumped against the door. A tear was falling slowly, getting lost in his beard. He said it again, a little louder, "Sara, I love you".

Movement. Yes! She was opening the door!


	3. Heart to heart

**I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed this. The good reviews and the bad ones too. They all teach me, so keep them coming! Maybe you could help me decide which turn should I chose… More angst, or maybe a little bit of fluff! Thanks to all of you there, reading. Sorry if I misspell some words, English is not my first language! Would anyone like to beta my stories? If so, please send me your e-mail on the reviews, and I will contact you. Thank you! Have fun and enjoy!**

Chapter III: Heart to heart

"What? He loves me?", she thought. His words made her angry. On the bottom of her heart she was joyful, but right at that moment, she was pissed.

He said it again…

She moved a little, standing up, and leaning against the door. Her hand came to the door knob, and she twisted it a little. Then a thought overcame her. "What if he is just saying it to get to talk to me, to get in here?".

"Go away Grissom, I'm not falling for that!" she said through the door.

"Falling for what? Are you crazy? I've just told you that I love you!" Grissom's anger was returning with full force. "How can she think I can just say that?", he thought, as he sat again on the floor outside her apartment.

"Sara, you have no idea how hard it is for me to just say those words, I've spent almost ten years keeping them to myself. How can you think I would just say that?".

"I don't know you any more Grissom", she answered. Sitting down also, she thought "Ten years? Did he just say ten years?".

"Sara, we've known each other for a long time. I would never lie to you."

"You wouldn't".

"No".

"OK, then answer me this Grissom. Are you or where you going deaf?".

The atmosphere surrounding her whole apartment, and the outside of it, could have been cut with a knife. The tension was palpable. He froze, sitting there, opening and closing his mouth, clenching his jaw.

"I happen to know that you had an operation. You have a new scar behind your ears. It was not there before. So, answer me Grissom, are you going deaf, or the operation worked?".

He was speechless. Not only because his secret was out, but because she had noticed the scar. He took a deep breath, and then another one.

"You see, how can I trust you, if you just don't talk to me anymore. Go home Grissom, I'm tired of this."

"Its called ostoclerosis and it is hereditary. My mother had it, she was deaf. I had the operation almost a year ago, and I have almost 85 of my hearing back on the left ear, and 95 of it on the right ear. I have to undergo another operation in a few months, to completely remove the excess of bone, to regain full hearing in both ears. There, now that you know, would you please open the door Sara, please?" he begged. And begging was not his style.

"You had an operation, and didn't tell us? What is wrong with you? Don't you know we all care for you?".

"Catherine knew…".

He heard a sob. "Oh God, I think that was the wrong answer", he thought.

"CATHERINE? You told Catherine?", she was really hurt. "Why can't he be open with me, am I so unreliable he cannot trust me?".

"Do you want to know why I didn't tell you, Sara? Because I cared what you would think of me. I'm fifteen years older that you. I have grey hair and I'm a little overweight. You wouldn't want me if on top of all that, I was deaf! What if the operation hadn't worked, huh?".

"Griss, I would want you even if you were purple, and had five eyes", she said softly, almost inaudible. But he heard it. A soft smile came to his lips. He chuckled.

"Honey, please, give me a chance."


	4. Taking a chance

Chapter IV: Taking a chance

"OK Griss, I'll give you a chance", he heard her say, as he sensed she got up and leaned against the door.

He quickly stood up, and waited for the door to open. After a few seconds… it didn't.

"Uh, Sara, aren't you opening the door?" he asked cautiously.

"No", she replied. "You are going to go home, take a shower, change, and come pick me up, and then you will take me to dinner. Pick me up at seven, and don't be late".

And then he heard her move away from the door. He just stood there, trying to figure out what had just happened. He then looked at his watch. It was almost 5:30, so that didn't left him much time to think about it. He had to leave.

**Grissom's car**

"Catherine, I won't be coming in tonight. Something has come up, and I'll be tied up until tomorrows shift".

"Gil, what's wrong?".

"Everything is fine Catherine, don't worry. Just handle things for me there tonight, OK? I promise I'll make it up to you".

"OK, but you owe me big time. I happen to know how much paperwork is due for tonight, and I'm telling you, the pile is huge!".

"Thank you Cath. Bye."

**Sara's apartment**

"What have I've gotten myself into? I practically demanded a date. He didn't even say OK. I didn't even ask him if he was OK with it. I just turned around and walked away! What if he doesn't come?", she mumbled out loud, as she toweled her hair dry. It was almost seven and she hadn't even dress yet.

She decided to dress casual, as she didn't know where was Grissom taking her. She only hoped he remembered she was a vegetarian. As she finished putting on her makeup, her doorbell rang.

**Outside Sara's apartment**

Grissom paced the outside of Sara's apartment, waiting exactly until seven to ring the bell. "Damn, five more minutes to go". He wondered if Sara would like the place he was taking her to. He wished she did. It was a very special place for him. Oh, she was in for a surprise.

"Ok, its time", he thought, as he rang the bell. He heard a little commotion inside Sara's apartment.

And then, the door opened.

**TBC**

**  
Ok, so this is the last I'll publish until Monday, right now I'm at the beach, and my boyfriend is getting jealous of the laptop. Have a great week and weekend, and I hope you enjoy this story!**


	5. Cold night in the desert

Chapter V: Cold night in the desert

Grissom had been driving for over an hour now, and Sara was getting restless. When she opened the door to her apartment, Grissom was standing with his back to her, mumbling "its time, its time to show her". She had asked him what he meant, and he told her to please wait until we got to where he was taking her. When asked where he was taking her, he just smiled, and thought to himself "to heaven".

Sara was staring out the window, having discussed trivialities all the way into the desert. Then, the car stopped. Grissom got out of the truck and walked to the front, standing there. Sara, puzzled, joined him.

He turned to look at her, closely, in the eye. He could see the questions in her eyes. "Where are we?", she asked.

He walked to the back of the truck, and retrieved a picnic basket, and a blanket. Wordlessly, he took Sara's hand, and started walking towards a big rock. He pointed to the rock for Sara to sit down and lay the blanket on the floor. He then sat down, and motioned Sara to join him.

As Sara was sitting, he grabbed a hold of her wrist, and made her twirl, until she was sitting against his chest.

Sara froze with his action, tensing. He felt it, and started rubbing her wrist, soothingly. He then spoke.

"Sara, I've brought you here to understand. I don't have words to explain how I've felt for the last year, so I wanted to show you. Listen."

Sara listened for a while, and then turned slightly to face him. "There is no sound Grissom, what do you want me to listen?".

"Exactly that Sara, the silence. Now look around.", he said.

Sara did as told, no questions asked. Again, she turned slightly to face him. "I can't see anything Griss, its too dark!".

"Exactly", he said. His blue eyes pierced her brown ones, as she slowly understood what he was trying to say.

As on cue, Grissom began to speak.

"Sara, I've brought you here because here is when I came to think about you, among other things. When the doctor told me I was going deaf, I already knew it would eventually happen. I came here regularly before she even told me, to start to get used to it."

She wrapped her had around his, moving her thumb slowly in circles over his hand. She let him continue.

"Then, one day, we had a fight at the lab. You called me Doctor Grissom again, and I felt so old Sara…". She started to move again, to face him, but he stopped her. "Let me finish, please. I felt so old. I came here that night. Like tonight, there was no moon Sara, so I was deaf, and momentarily, blind. I couldn't see my aging hands, or my slightly overweight body. And that got me thinking the reason why you wanted to be with me. You didn't see it either!".

He was getting more emotional by the minute, and he didn't want to lose control over his feelings and emotions. He still wasn't sure of what to do about this, but he was sure about his feelings for Sara. He had even told her the loved her, from the bottom of his heart.

Sara was uncharacteristically quiet. He was starting to wonder if she was mad at him, when he felt her tremble against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, thinking she was cold, until he heard her sob. It was a long, loud sob, and then she broke into tears.

**TBC**


	6. Lack of Confidence

Chapter VI: Lack of confidence

"Are you OK?", Grissom asked her.

Sara had been crying for over 10 minutes now, sobbing uncontrollably against her hands. Somewhat into 5 minutes, she had crawled away from Grissom and climbed up the rock. She was giving her back to him, slowly rocking as she cried.

"Sara, please talk to me". Grissom didn't understand a thing. He had just opened his heart to her, explaining how he had felt about himself for so long, he thought she would understand. "_Its not like I told her there is another woman. Why does she has to react like this. Did I said something wrong? Maybe she doesn't love me… This has all been a mistake. I have to get out of here"_. His lack of confidence started to win the internal battle that was going on with himself.

Sara continued to look away, the crying subsiding. Grissom stood up, and walked towards her.

"I think this was a mistake Sara. I'll take you home".


	7. Her revenge?

Chapter VII: Her revenge?

"Don't" Sara said.

The silence was overwhelming.

Grissom stood there without moving, keys in his hand. "Why not? You've been sitting there for over ten minutes now, completely silent. I get the picture".

"You do, huh?" she said, turning around and standing.

"Yeah. I've opened my heart to you, but it's too late".

"Do you really feel that way Griss?".

"I don't know what I feel anymore Sara…".

"Its funny. It actually is really funny, because I know exactly how you feel Grissom. You feel that right now you don't belong. You feel completely stupid, and frustrated. Am I right?" she said, as she took a few steps closer to him.

"You feel betrayed. You feel…" her voice came out with a sob.

"I feel just like you have felt all this years, don't I? I get it Sara, you are getting your revenge. I'll take you home, OK?" Grissom said, very frustrated, and feeling indeed very betrayed.

Sara's face dropped, her jaw tight with anger. "Are you deaf? When in hell did I told you to take me home?".

"Its pretty clear to me you don't want to be near me Sara, I'm just making things easier".

"Easier for who Grissom, you or me?".

"For both of us Sara, for both of us".

"Well" Sara said, taking a few more steps towards him, and placing her hand on his cheek "newsflash for you Griss, I don't want to make things easier for any of us".

Grissom was confused. First she didn't want him around, and now she was touching him, and Oh that felt so good. He leaned on her hand, and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry I left you alone a while ago. You have to understand Griss, the things you said… are things I've wanted to hear for a long time. And it takes time to analyze all you've said to me tonight. I want us to regain our trust. Don't get me wrong, I DO love you, but I've lost some trust in you. Nothing tells me that by tomorrow you'll change your mind, and shatter my heart into pieces. What do you think about taking this slowly?", she said, as she rubbed her thumb on his cheek.

Grissom's eyes opened slowly. The look in his eyes, the hopeful look in his eyes, gave her the answer to her question.

He moved a little backwards, and gave her a long hard look. He then took two steps forward, leaning his whole body against her, and hugged her.

He clung to her as if his life depended on it. "I love you Sara, I love you so much". She felt him tense in her arms, and then slowly starting to relax. It wasn't until she felt him shiver that she realized Grissom was crying. She slowly raised her had and slide it through his curly hair, murmuring soothing words, loving words to his ear.

After a few moments, he composed himself, cleaning his face with his shirt. _I love her so much. I can't wait to kiss her, but she's right. We have to regain our trust. I'll let her take the first step in the kissing department. But I want her so damn much. Any way, the ball is now in her court. _"I think we should eat Sara", he said.


	8. Egg salad sandwich

Chapter VIII: Egg salad sanwich

_Eat? What is he, a robot? Well, I did say I wanted to take things slowly, didn't I. Well, the ball is in his court. I'll just wait for him to take the first step._

"Sure, eating sounds great!" she said, sounding a little over the top.

Grissom looked at her, a little surprised, and then held her hand and towed her towards the picnic blanket. "I brought egg salad and cucumber sandwiches. I really hope its OK with you, being vegetarian and all that".

"Its OK. I eat dairy occasionally."

"I guess this a good occasion then, isn't it?" he said as he passed her an egg salad sandwich.

"Yeah, I think it is" she said, as she nibbled the sandwich, feeling a little bit uncomfortable.

"So, what was in the fridge today, Grissom? Blood, fungus", she asked ironically, while eating.

He was a little taken aback by her comment. Specially since what had happened earlier lead to their big fight.

Sara found Grissom's disconcerting face really funny, and suddenly felt all the tension starting to leave her body as she began to giggle, dropping half her sandwich in her lap. She was a complete mess, but still laughed until tears fell down her cheeks.

Grissom just sat there, looking at her laughing and rolling on the blanket. She was really getting all dirty with the mayonnaise and the eggs, and she didn't really cared. This made Grissom laugh.

A few minutes later, both of them calmed down, and looked at themselves. Grissom had cucumber on his beard, and Sara was completely covered in mayonnaise.

He reached for a couple of napkins, to clean his face, and gave a bunch of them to Sara. She stood there, trying to get the food out of her clothes, when Grissom kneeled to help her clean her blouse.

He gently rubbed the fabric of her blouse against her stomach, with a wet napking, trying to remove the stain.

"You know, since its greassy, talcum powder would be better, right?" she said, looking down at him, and slightly blushing. He was in an awkward position, and all she wanted was to bent down and kiss him.

"Do you happen to carry such powder with you, wise girl?" he answered, looking up at her, and also blushing a little. _I wish she just bent down and kissed me._

They stared at each other for a minute, until Sara felt Grissom's hand tracing circles on her stomach. Apparently, he hadn't notice doing it, and if he did, he wasn't acknowledging it.

She relaxed a little, and moved down to trace her fingers through his hair. _Come on Griss, take the first step!_

Grissom looked into her eyes, and felt overwhelmed with desire. He ventured his hand a little lower, touching skin. She felt glorious. She kneeled in front of him, both now face to face, without moving.

They just kept staring into each others eyes, and without noticing, started to move their faces a little bit closer, a little bit closer, until their noses where touching.

Sara let a nervous giggle escape her mouth, while Grissom profusely blushed. Both them felt like a couple of teenagers. _Crap! I don't care who takes the first step. I want to kiss him/her_ both of them thought, and their lips landed together in what Sara would think of later in her life, as the best kiss ever received.

TBC

I'd like to thank all the people who had reviewed my story so far: Megan Perry, Arrendi, CSIfan4life, Colinfismyhomeboy, JesusFreak30, Saskia2, heartcat, Nicola, geeklovefan, christiangirl, tiffany, jenny, Katherine, darkdragonfarel and Grissomgirl24. Thank you very much. Your reviews are encouraging. I would like to know what do you think should happen now. I don't know if I should end this yet! Thanks!


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